I am supposed to feel happy::~
I am supposed to be whole::~
With a loving and happy family::~
With a wonderful significant half::~
With an amazing always-and-forever-there-4-me
bestie::~
I am grateful::~
But yet::~
My heart is sour::~
Aching from the pain from being drenched in loneliness::~
Perhaps it is because I am not suffering from stress of any kind::~
No study stress::~
No work stress::~
I am too free::~
With too much time::~
Time to ponder on things that may not have been important in the past::~
But definitely now::~
When I have time to finally hear my thoughts and doubts::~
You see::~
I am bothered::~
Bothered by the thoughts of "What
if's"::~
"What if my parents were right~??"
"What if my future is not going to turn out the way I expected it to be~??"
"What if I'm living a lie~??"
Alright::~
I'll come out clean about the problem::~
It's about Simon::~
I guess he doesn't come here anymore::~
I rarely do::~
I just need someone::~
Or something to tell this to::~
I am a person who prefers to express wholeheartedly::~
In black and white::~
I hardly choose to express by speech::~
I don't have such courage::~
and I realize that I might be irritating those around me with thoughts of Simon::~
I do not want them to bear this burden of mine::~
Anyhow::~
I'm releasing this burden here::~
Although knowing full well that there will be no outcome whatsoever::~
Here it is::~
You see::~
I truly did fall in love::~
I'm being realistic here::~
So, no, it's not the
love-at-first-sight scenario::~
It's the
I-grow-into-loving-you scenario::~
My emotional walls crumble when you wanted me to::~
I let you enter into my heart's realms::~
Let you be a part of me::~
I relied on you::~
Even though I know I shouldn't::~
I know that I cannot be so dependent::~
It would one day hurt me in return::~And now::~
I'm in a
adapting-to-grow-out-from-you situation::~
It's supposed to be a good thing really::~
Cuz he's been transforming nowadays::~
It's been hard to put myself in his shoes::~
I feel like he's being difficult to me::~
I'm suffocating::~
and I'm afraid this will cause me to lose the part of me who loves him::~
I used to cry and think that it was a huge deal::~
But now I'd cry and not be bothered::~
I'm not caring as much now::~
Is this independence~??
Or am I just losing my grip on loving him~??
I don't know::~
He'd make me really happy at times::~
I'd think that I'm really lucky to have him::~
But truly::~
I'd really want him to just make me fall in love again::~
It's been rough lately for us::~
and, all traces of romance is gone::~
I just know I'm SUPPOSED to care for his feelings::~
SUPPOSED to maintain and upkeep the relationship::~
SUPPOSED to say and meant "I'll love you, forever and ever"::~
but even now I'm emotionally strained from our situation::~
And we just dated for only a year now::~
I don't know::~
Maybe I'm not up to his expectations::~
Or he's not up to mine::~
And my inner child is giving me a rough time::~
Or maybe we're too different::~
We can cope now::~
But in the future~??
When tensions are high and true colours show themselves::~
And when our "self-proclaimed love" cant sustain peace::~
What then~??
Do we stop going down the same path together~??
*
*
*
Alright::~
So::~
That's the tale::~
Now::~
Can someone tell me how to put them into words~??
So I can tell him::~
And we can
resolve this::~
And live happily ever after~??
