I'm so Thankful::~

I cried in my bathroom today::~
I wasn't sad though::~
I would say it was a mixture of happiness and guilt::~
But it was a turning point for me::~
The things I craved for are no longer my goals::~
It's the things I have::~
The things I didn't use to treasure::~
The things which might be taken away from me::~
To be with God::~
The things I cannot have with me, forever, in the future::~
The gift an intervention of someone's life with mine::~
To be loved unconditionally::~
Memories may leave their mark::~
But the hard fact is that::~
No one lives forever to love me, forever::~
I cried for that::~
I cried because I was thankful that I still have it now::~
I cried because I was feeling guilty when I didn't treasure it::~
I thought my actions were enough::~
But they weren't::~
But I'm not too late::~
It's never too late to tell and show to those you love, that you love them::~
To be able to send out the msg::~
That we're not alone::~
That we're held together by a bond::~
That feeling of being important to someone in your life::~
That feeling when you make someone you love happy::~
That feeling of security that someone is watching over you no matter what happens::~
That feeling of still being loved::~
Even if you're being the most irritating, bothersome or hurtful person::~
There is always some, soul out there::~
Making sure you're safe and happy::~
Whether it is your lover
Your parents::~
Your grandparents::~
Your siblings::~
Your best friend::~
Or your friends::~
I cried because I'm thankful::~
That I have them to watch over me::~
And love me, no matter what::~
As I would to them::~
I cried because God hasn't taken them away from me::~
Only He has the Power capable to do so::~
Because I know that with the rest of my life::~
I will treasure those dear to me::~
As much as I will myself to::~
As much as I'm capable of::~
And maybe even more::~

I love you guys::~
and thanks so much::~

And there's my Rays of Hope::~

There are rough patches in life::~
Speed bumps as you may say::~
But after every bump,
I'd prefer to speed... again::~
That's my adrenaline rush::~
My happiness::~
My hopes::~

Revived after a storm::~
With you guiding my way::~
Removing me from the darkness::~
Providing me the colours I lack, to paint my future::~
Into a new chapter of my life::~
On every page, with you in it::~

Thank you so much::~
For not giving up::~

Love,
Mel

Distance of the heart::~

It’s been a rough week::~

Realizations happened::~

Truths told::~

Hearts broken::~

Tears poured over the truth and uncertainties::~

Baby, I’m in the dark::~

Drowned in the wails of my aching heart::~

I just want to be rescued from this pain::~

I cant do this alone::~

Not when you keep leaving me::~

Its scary really::~

To know what the future holds::~

Promises made were meant to heal::~

Faith is restored::~

Yet its tiring::~

I don’t know whether I have the stamina to hold on::~

Give me something to cherish::~

Give me something for Hope::~

Everlasting love is possible::~

Preserving its pure form is the tough part::~

It’s being tainted::~

by sadness::~

and worse still::~

Distance of the heart::~

I really do::~

I want to stop feeling that pain in my heart::~
I want it to stop hurting so much::~

Promise me I'll heal::~
Promise me it'll go away::~
Like a bad dream::~


I just want to stop crying::~
Please::~

Unconditional Love, anyone~???

Feeling insecure lately::~
Hmmm::~
Must be the stress::~
Paranoia sucks::~
Went through it once::~
and now it's happening again::~
*sigh*
Gosh::~
I'm so tired::~
Give me a break, will you~???

I know you cared, Baby::~

He finally knows what was meant to be known::~
I think "we" are gonna be tons better::~
Not that we're not::~
I'm really happy with "us" lately::~
He is too::~
Well, as far as I... I'm pretty sure::~
Well::~
The romance is definitely back, full throttle::~
We're both in our passionate, lovey dovey universe::~
I hope I'm making him the happiest bf alive::~
Cuz he's making my world amazingly perfect::~
Of my life and my family::~
And most of all::~
Of me, in love::~
I love him for making me love him::~
It's that simple, really::~

She's right sometimes::~

I dunno::~
Maybe it's true::~
I thought I can give up my all for him::~
But I guess I'm wrong::~
You can't change who I am::~
I Love Fashion::~
You can't make me give it up::~
Not like I'm making you give up DotA right~???
Ish ish ish::~
I'd understand if you wanna make sure I'm protecting my assets from public views and stuff::~
I'm learning to do exactly that and master that art::~
But just b'cuz I wear fancier::~
It's a crime~???
FYI :: I don't think my outfits are sexy::~
Believe me::~
It's all over the market::~
I know I'm in Malaysia::~
Where the culture is freaking closed minded::~
We're in an Islamic country for goodness sake::~
T-shirts and jeans is so not me k~???
Please understand::~
It's like telling dudes to wear PINK HOT PANTS all year round::~
So, our culture is "practising" T-shirt & jeans in all it's colleges::~
& I know that I'm supposed to concentrate on my studies while I'm in college::~
Who says I'm not doing that in my fancier asembles~???
And the whole guy gawping at girl thing::~
It freaking happens all the time::~
It's in every guy's chemistry::~
Okay::~
I admit that I don't like guys to gawp/stare/look at me as though I'm from outer universe::~
But why let their stares stop me from what I've loved~???
I wear what I like to please myself::~
My need to have an image which is fairly better than average for self confidence::~
I'm sorry but I've my limits::~
and this is one of them::~
I know you care::~
and I'm a lil off* with the protecting myself thingy::~
working on it::~
But reasons beyond that::~
Is beyond me::~

Love,
Mel

My Boyfriend

He makes me laugh and tells me I'm pretty::~
And I feel even prettier each time::~
He's so funny I can't stop laughing::~
I'm even laughing now::~
We went to the beach and he said I was pretty::~
We went ice-skating and he said I was pretty::~
He fell down and then I fell down::~
And we were laughing and then he kissed me::~

~::Adapted from The Gossip Girl prequel

Laa-dee-Darr::~
I'm watching the shows soon~!!!

I need some1 who comprehends my mind::~

Feels my emotions::~

Shields my heart::~

Embrace my happiness::~

& live my life with me::~

*
*
*

I need a twin::~

My lost soul::~

I am supposed to feel happy::~
I am supposed to be whole::~
With a loving and happy family::~
With a wonderful significant half::~
With an amazing always-and-forever-there-4-me bestie::~
I am grateful::~
But yet::~
My heart is sour::~
Aching from the pain from being drenched in loneliness::~
Perhaps it is because I am not suffering from stress of any kind::~
No study stress::~
No work stress::~
I am too free::~
With too much time::~
Time to ponder on things that may not have been important in the past::~
But definitely now::~
When I have time to finally hear my thoughts and doubts::~
You see::~
I am bothered::~
Bothered by the thoughts of "What if's"::~
"What if my parents were right~??"
"What if my future is not going to turn out the way I expected it to be~??"
"What if I'm living a lie~??"
Alright::~
I'll come out clean about the problem::~
It's about Simon::~
I guess he doesn't come here anymore::~
I rarely do::~
I just need someone::~
Or something to tell this to::~
I am a person who prefers to express wholeheartedly::~
In black and white::~
I hardly choose to express by speech::~
I don't have such courage::~
and I realize that I might be irritating those around me with thoughts of Simon::~
I do not want them to bear this burden of mine::~
Anyhow::~
I'm releasing this burden here::~
Although knowing full well that there will be no outcome whatsoever::~
Here it is::~
You see::~
I truly did fall in love::~
I'm being realistic here::~
So, no, it's not the love-at-first-sight scenario::~
It's the I-grow-into-loving-you scenario::~
My emotional walls crumble when you wanted me to::~
I let you enter into my heart's realms::~
Let you be a part of me::~
I relied on you::~
Even though I know I shouldn't::~
I know that I cannot be so dependent::~
It would one day hurt me in return::~
And now::~
I'm in a adapting-to-grow-out-from-you situation::~
It's supposed to be a good thing really::~
Cuz he's been transforming nowadays::~
It's been hard to put myself in his shoes::~
I feel like he's being difficult to me::~
I'm suffocating::~
and I'm afraid this will cause me to lose the part of me who loves him::~
I used to cry and think that it was a huge deal::~
But now I'd cry and not be bothered::~
I'm not caring as much now::~
Is this independence~??
Or am I just losing my grip on loving him~??
I don't know::~
He'd make me really happy at times::~
I'd think that I'm really lucky to have him::~
But truly::~
I'd really want him to just make me fall in love again::~
It's been rough lately for us::~
and, all traces of romance is gone::~
I just know I'm SUPPOSED to care for his feelings::~
SUPPOSED to maintain and upkeep the relationship::~
SUPPOSED to say and meant "I'll love you, forever and ever"::~
but even now I'm emotionally strained from our situation::~
And we just dated for only a year now::~
I don't know::~
Maybe I'm not up to his expectations::~
Or he's not up to mine::~
And my inner child is giving me a rough time::~
Or maybe we're too different::~
We can cope now::~
But in the future~??
When tensions are high and true colours show themselves::~
And when our "self-proclaimed love" cant sustain peace::~
What then~??
Do we stop going down the same path together~??
*
*
*
Alright::~
So::~
That's the tale::~
Now::~
Can someone tell me how to put them into words~??
So I can tell him::~
And we can resolve this::~
And live happily ever after~??

爱情

Thxx 4 da memories::~

Dear diary::~
haha::~
I've nvr written in my diary since I wuz five::~
anywayz::~
Its to someone close to me::~
so its::~
Dear someone close to me::~
okayy::~
I havta stop crappin'::~
well, its not easy to tell you that we're driftin' apart::~
we've nvr been in da same class b4::~
(except in tuition)
*well, that wuz fun::~
but now we're goin' our own direction::~
*but sooner or later our jobs will be da same::~
(^.^)
anywayz::~
juz wanna say that I'll alwayz miss us::~
Its not like I dun wan us to grow up::~
but I believe that we can still be together::~
I'm glad we're that close b4::~
any closer and we'll be co-joined twins::~
remember that testiee I sent you~??
"Here's to nights that turned into mornings :: and to frends that turned into family"
we shud drink to that 1 day::~
& Thxx 4 da memories::~
all of them::~
I bet we can make more of them::~
We're still young rite~??
We still have bout 60++ years ahead::~
hopefully::~
and I'm still waiting 4 u to be legal and all::~
haha::~

Love,
Mel

Progressing in me::~

Sometimes it takes perfection just to be good::~
and I'm trying to forward towards it::~
So that my dreams will come true::~
Only then, I'll be truly happy::~

Hearts have to be torn,
only then its walls will heal and strengthen,
and pump stronger beats::~

Sweetness::~

If there's a new word for being glad::~
im a Glad'ni-ty-ous gurl now::~
haha::~
random-ni-ty::~
*~*thxx to my dong-gua::*~*

I'm sorry::~

I feel so useless

Hearing you cry and I cant do anything to help::~

I've wondered::~

Where did it go wrong~??

Where were the signs~??

How could we not forsee them~??

I feel its my fault::~

I should have warned you not to fully commit::~

now its too late::~

I dunno how to save you from this emotional mess::~

But now all I can do is to guide and accompany you to cross over::~

away from dis dark cloud of misery::~

back to where you were cheerful::~

They say its easier said than done::~

but if you cant even say it, then it'll be impossible::~

you're stronger than you think::~

I know you can do it::~

and you'll have backup too::~

Love advice::~ How to handle arguements 101

Chyi asked me:: If they (guyz) are wrong, why should we be so good to them~?
I said :: Cuz they dunno that they're wrong till you tell them that your heart's bleeding and that you're sick and tired of being the one maintaining the relationship::~
then when they feel bad (or not, cuz then they'll argue back and hurt our hearts SOMORE, in that case call your pals and stop communicating with them cuz it'll only make things WORSE, talk another day when you guyz start missing each other again or if he apologizes 1st)
well, if they do noe they're wrong and hopefully beg for forgiveness, dont hold your grudge too long, men dont have much patience, you'll just end up arguing::~
if they brush the problem off ::~ if you're right, commence the silent treatment::~ (it's emotional blackmail, they want your attention too::~)::~ borrow your frends' shoulders to cry on::~
if you're wrong, brush it off too::~ hence, solving the deadlock (shelve the problem)::~
If he commences the lots of scolding and threats treatment or the silent treatment and compromising just wont do::~ shut down (dont absorb the scolding and threats, they're NOT TRUE) depend on yur frends and family::~ if he's a man and he loves you, he'll ask you to go back to him & bear the responsibilities of maintaining your relationship::~ but if he's a coward and definitely has no qualifications to take care of you or the relationship (cuz he doesn't noe that ALL GIRLS NEED LOVE, CARE, SECURITY and SUPPORT) then why ARE YOU STILL MOPPING AROUND 4 HIM~??????????????????????????

Dont dictate How I should think or feel~!!!

Cuz you dun noe wad happened::~
and you don't own me::~
Its my mind and heart::~
Don't force me to feel or think otherwise::~

M-E-N

My opinion of them::~
Well, they think between their legs::~
have no clue about replying msgs::~
or replying calls 4 that matter::~
and if we're understanding enuf to allow them to throw tantrums occasionally::~
they take advantage::~
if we talk rationally::~
they'll shut down and say we nag too much::~
if we care too much::~
they'd say we're vry ma fan and treat it as a joke (just to save their ego)::~
we'd just smile and hope that he'll noe we cared::~
if they care too much, we absorb, feel vry happy and ensure that they get the msg that "we noe you care, we love you too.."::~
and if we react less exaggerated, they lao gai::~
say we dun care::~
and at the end of the day, we'd have to zhao them::~
I'm telling you::~
in relationships, we work harder than them::~
that's why we cry more::~
care more::~
and work hard to show them that we care more::~ (cuz they're emotionally blind, if you dont show them you care straight in their face, they won't notice it::~)
why cant it be the other way around~??
you men just take us for granted::~

I'm giving him till 9pm:~

If he still doesn't respond in any way::~
His house better be burning by now or I'm gonna do it myself::~

Simon -> London = heartbreak

Simon msg-ed me dis morning::~
told me he's going to London next year::~
then I reply-ed saying I dun understand::~
and it took him a few hours to reply me::~
with the same explanation::~
I'm going to London next year::~
I wuz like::~
yea..... i noe that, my english is fine tq
I jus wana noe why::~
I mean, doesn't he noe tha I'd be upset over the news::~?
and it would kill him to explain everything to me there and then~??
well, now i'd just have to stay upset all day::~
waiting to see if he bothers to explain and tell me wad happened~